i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
