I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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