When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
