nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
