The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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