It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
