There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
