Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
