yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
