I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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