Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
