is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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