The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
