phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
