the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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