i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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