the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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