Where did you get a picture of my penis
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
