Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
