He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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