I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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