4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
