My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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