if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
