Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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