Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
