I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Panties = found
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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