he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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