I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
