Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The air taste purple.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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