Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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