Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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