Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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