took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
