I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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