Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
