I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
