I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
