the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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