I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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