dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
