He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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