I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
