Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
