i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
