apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
