i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We need to rekindle our bromance
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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