checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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