on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sext me about skeletons
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
