Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
