ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
