I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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